Failure
by Lady Strallan
Summary: McKay has some dark thoughts now complete.
1. Default Chapter

Failure

Rodney sat looking at the photo of his family that was on his shelf.

He did not know why he had brought it with him to Atlantis all it did was remind him how much of a failure he was to his family.

In fact, it just reminded him how much of a failure he was over all in life.

He thoughts drifted back to when the photo taken.

It was taken a week later than his parents had planed because there son had messed things up again.

The day it was supposed to be taken, he discovered that he was allergic to bees.

He was in the garden trying to stay out of his parent's way when he was stung.

He had course ended up in the hospital much to his parent's displeasure.

He had never been so scared in his life he remembered wishing that his Mother or Father would just hug him and make everything better.

Instead, they just sat there in silence looking more and more pissed off as the time ticked by.

Rodney signed has he sat back on his bed letting his thoughts continue.

He could still see the look of disgust on his father's face when he bust in to tears begging his parents not to leave him alone.

And the words that his mother and father said to him still rang thought Rodney's head.

He father walked up to the bed and looked at him coldly

'Stop your sniffling and be a man once in your life.

We cannot baby you every time something happens to you. I have to work and your mother has to look after your sister.

Then they both turned and walked out of the room leaving a frighten little boy trying not to cry lying on his bed.

He could hear them started arguing has they walked down the corridor both blame each other for having a weakling for a son.

Now all theses years later he could not be angry with them for the way they had treated him.

They where right he had all way and all way would mess things up.

Here on Atlantis he had come to see what a waste of space he was.

Every time they went thought the gate he was all ways lagging behind there others.

They all ways had to slow down so they could keep up and he knew how he got on everybody nerves every time he panic no matter how hard he tried to keep him self calm. And now he could see that he could get one of them killed because he was not good enough to be on the major's team.

He also knew people only talked to him when they wanted something and not has a friend to them he was a annoying little prick.

Not that he blamed them.

Because that was another thing, he was a failure at people he just did not know how to act around them.

Every time someone tried to get close, he would push them away and in the end, they all ways gave up and joined the long list of people who could not stand him.

Rodney brushed away a tear that fell down his cheek and closed his eyes wishing that he was back alone in is lab in Russia because there his failures did not matter so much.

There he never nearly got his team killed because of his big mouth there he did not have to wake up everyday knowing that people where stuck and some times dying because he could not come up with a way to get them home.

There more he thought about it the more he realized what he had to do

For once in his life, he was going to make sure people did not have to suffer because of him.

He picked the letter off the table and put it in to an envelope then walked out of his quarters and towards Elizabeth office.


	2. 2

**I do not own star gate atlantis so please do not sue me**.

Part Two

Rodney did not see a single soul has he walked towards Elizabeth's office.

Not that he was surprise he looked at his watch it was 3am.

Rodney walked straight in to Elizabeth's office not even glancing at the people on gate duty has he walked passed them.

Leaving them with quizzical looks on there faces.

When he was in the office, he took the letter out of his pocket and put it in to her in tray and then he turned and made his way silently out of the gate room.

Elizabeth made her way out of her quarters for some rezone she could not sleep so she had decided that she might has well get some paper work done.

She gave the gate room personnel a small nod has she made her way in to her office.

She sat behind her desk and reached in to her tray has she brought the folder out she saw something fall do the floor she bent down and pick it up she studied the envelope for a seconded wounding why any one would be writing her a letter.

She opened the letter and started to read her mouth fell open with shocked at what she was reading.

Dear

Doctor Weir

It is to my regret that I Doctor Rodney McKay head scientist at Atlantis must hand in my notice with immediate affect.

Yours truly,

**_Doctor McKay._**

Ps you do not have to worry about what to do with me I will take care of everything.

Elizabeth sat there for a seconded too shocked to move then her shocked turned to fear what he did he mean. _'You do not have to worry about me'._

She had notice that Rodney was a little quieter then usually lately but she thought he was just busy with work she had no idea that he was feeling low.

She decided that she best find him, have a talk with him, and see what she could do to sort this mess out.

She walked out of her office and turned to the sergeant who was on duty.

'Has Doctor McKay been to my office last night or this morning?'

'Yes Doctor he was here about five minutes before you arrived.

She turned and all most ran out of the gate room ignoring the puzzled looks from the men and women at there posts.

She went to his lab hoping to find him there but all she found was a empty and tidy room in fact it was too tidy it was has if the room was no longer being used.

She could fell her stomach Turing has she wounded what was going off.

Next, she checked his quarters but what she found there was almost the answers to the fears that had been running around her head after she had read his letter.

All his belongs had been packed away in to the storage boxes.

She could feel the fear rising inside her has she tried to work out where Rodney could be and if she was all ready to late too help him.

**Thanks to all the people who reviewed i do not think i will be able to post the next part till the weekend as it is in a bit of a mess.**


	3. 3

* * *

**I do not own star gate Atlantis **

**Spoilers for Hide and seek 'suspicion' underground,' The storm' The eye and the defiant one. **

Part three

Think Elizabeth where could he be she wisped to her self.

The suddenly it hit her she remembered where she found Rodney after the storm.

She found him on a balcony in an unused part of the city.

He told her that he was just checking for damaged after the storm.

She new he was lying but at the time she thought it would be for the best if she left him alone.

Has she ran to find him she mentally kicked her self '_how could I be so stupid how could I see that one of my team no a friend needed a friend to lean on'_

She vowed when this was all over she would make time to get to know her people better and to keep a closer eye on them to make sure no one ever felt so alone and helpless has Rodney must be feeling right now.

Relief flooded her has she saw his form slowly walking along the corridors.

However, has she caught her breath to shout his name she saw him disappear through a door.

Then she remembered that the door led out on to the balcony she picked up speed to make one final dash to get to Rodney before it was too late.

'Rodney wait' she shouted has the doors opened to the balcony.

Rodney froze he knew who it was with out turning around.

'Elizabeth what are you doing here, he said hoping that she had decided to take a very early morning walk.

Elizabeth cleared her throat 'I got your letter Rodney I think we have to talk don't you.

Rodney just looked towards the end of the balcony wondering if he could make it.

That question was answered when he felt Elizabeth hand on his arm.

She gently turned him around so that she could get a good look at him.

His shoulder where slumped there was no hint of a smile or smugness on his face there was bags under his eyes Elizabeth wondered when the last time he got a good night sleep.

His usually bright brow eyes where dull and filled with sadness.

Silently she led him away from the balcony and in to an empty room.

She sat down on the floor and motion him to set next to her.

Rodney first instinct was to run but he knew he would not make it very far.

He may be able to over power Elizabeth but he might hurt her and that was the last thing he wanted because after all that was one of the rezones he was going to do what he was going to do.

After a brief pause he sat down but he did not sit next to her he sat opposite her looking at the floor unable to meet her gaze.

Elizabeth took a deep breath she needed to compose her self before she talked to him. She wanted to get hold of him a shake him and ask what the hell he thought he was doing Leaving her alone them alone she corrected her self but she decided the best thing she could do was to keep him calm and to do that she needed to be calm or at least appear calm.

'Rodney what's wrong what is this all about waving the letter in her hand.

'Well um you see Elizabeth I think it would be better if someone took over running of the science teams it would give me more time to concentrate on my research.'.

Rodney said hoping he could talk his way out of this.

He risked a glace at Elizabeth as he was talking and she could see she was not buying it for a second.

'Rodney please I thought we where friends?' Elizabeth lent across and took hold of his

hand.

'I went to your lab and quarters everything was packed away it was like you where not coming back.

Elizabeth paused for a seconded before she continued 'please tell me you where not going to kill your self?,

For once in his life, Rodney did not know what to say he just stared at the wall.

Elizabeth took his silence as a yes she closed her eyes to stop the tears from flowing.

'Why'

Rodney jumped at the sound of Elizabeth voice.

'Rodney there are people here who care about you it there is anything wrong you can come to any of us and we will do what ever to help.'

Rodney let out a laugh at the last part of her sentence.

'There is northing anyone can do to help the problem is me.

A tear rolled down his cheek.

I am northing but a waste of space everything I do I some how managed to mess up.

Come on Elizabeth you and I know things would run a lot more smoothly round here if I was not around to mess things up.

'RODNEY DO NOT SAY THAT. She realized she was shouting she got her voice back under control 'you're a valuable member of the team your work here has been exemplary.

Rodney just rolled his 'eyes anything I managed not to mess up any of the scientists could have managed. That's face it its not has if I have gotten us home yet.

Elizabeth moved her self to she was sat next to him.

'Rodney why are you so hard on your self no one expected you to get us home straight away and we do not expects you do it alone.

We are a team a team of which you are a valuable member.

Besides being a wonderful scientist, you are a wonderful human being.

Rodney snorted at the last part.

'There are a lot of words to describe me but wonderful is not one of them.

'Let's see shall we what's so good about me.

For one I cannot go off world with out my big mouth nearly getting me or my team killed.

I am all ways slowing the Majors team down because I cannot keep up because of my stupid body.

'Rodney you may not think so but you have friends here.

What about John do you think if you where so useless you would still be on the team.

'To be honest Elizabeth that's one thing I have never been able to work out I mean I nearly got the guy killed when the Genii attacked.

'Rodney that was not your fault I know he did more than stab you.

I heard he tell you that he would kill me if you did not tell him what he wanted to know.

You where in an impossible situation but for what's if worth you did the right thing And I never got round to thanking you.

Rodney looked away again unsure how to respond but Elizabeth had not finished yet.

How many times have you saved people here on Atlantis what the was the time when alien entity threaten to destroy us and you risked you life to save us?

'And that's not forget the time you saved the majors life when he went up ageist the wraith.

You went out there knowing there was not much you could do and that there was a good chance that you would be killed but you went out to help him.

'But Elizabeth I was so scared when I did those things'

'Rodney I know people do not all ways show it but I think I can say that every time we go up ageist a wraith or somebody trying to kill us we are scared I know I am but the important thing is that we over come our fears to get the job done and you do that'.

And that's not for get the time people thought that Teyla was a traitor but you stuck by her even though you had not know her long.

And besides if, you where not around who would Doctor Carson argue with.

A small smile spread on Elizabeth lips has she said the last part one, which Rodney could not help repeat on his own lips.

'You might not think so but if anything ever happened to you, you would be missed not a least by me.'

Rodney did not know what to say he had so many thoughts running though his head.

He was unsure on what to do next a feeling he all ways hated

He began to wonder if what Elizabeth said was true.

He risked a glanced at Elizabeth has he looked in to her eyes he was shocked to discover what she was saying was true.

Has she waited for Rodney to speak she notice a bit of light in his eyes she was suddenly full of hope that she had gotten thorough to him.

She wanted to pull him in to her arms and make everything better but she knew it was going to take more than a hug to fix this she also knew that the next move was up to Rodney.

'What are you going to do now' Rodney said in a small voice that was full of panic.

'That is up to you Rodney you could spend your life in a secure room where we can keep an eye on you or we could work thought this and you could start living.

Rodney had to admit to himself that small part of him did like the sound of that secure room where he could spend the rest of his life hiding away from everything and everybody.

But he knew that was not the right thing to do.

'Do you mean you would forget this ever happened?.

'No Rodney pretending tonight never happened would not be the best way to help you.

Suddenly Rodney shoot up 'you can not tell everybody please I am begging you Elizabeth that is one thing I could not live with I promise you I will not do any thing so stupid again.'

Elizabeth pulled Rodney back down to the floor and rapped her arms around him.

She could feel his whole body shaking from fear and the struggle to keep his tears under control.

She lowed his head on to her lap and started to stroke his hair.

'Calm down I am not going to tell everybody I will have to notify Doctor Carson and Doctor Jane Heightmeyer the psychologist and later on the major.

I will see if Doctor Carson can come up with a rezone for you to require some medical leave.

As long has you follow there orders I think we can keep it on a need to know bases.

Rodney let out a sigh of relief.

'Oh and Rodney one more thing if you ever feel things getting on top of you next time go and find one of your friends deal?

Rodney turned his head so that he could look up at Elizabeth.

'On one condition?

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow 'what would that be?'

'If you ever need someone to talk to you will go and find a friend'.

Elizabeth smiled and shook his hand 'deal'.

'Elizabeth thank you'

'What are friends for'.

The last thing Rodney remembered was Elizabeth kissing the top of his head has he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
